There's buzz around TriMet allowing miniature service horses on buses. You know... cause there's no news around. I read this and thought "Oh my god this will ruin bus riding! NO NO NO NO NO!"
Why, you ask? Well first, can you imagine service HORSES on the bus? I mean, everyone's gonna bring their miniature horse farm and carry them around on the bus and pass them off as service horses! You know... cause everyone has a miniature horse in Portland. We're second in miniature horse per capita, right after that town in Alaska that has 4 people.
Second, can you imagine how the safety would be affected by this change? I can just envision nightmares of miniature horses eating people's faces off! What if they bring in guns and hold us up? We need to bring in safer service animals, like rotweillers and stoners.
Third, if service horses are allowed on the bus, that's total discrimination against other service animals! Now my friend won't be able to bring her service flamingo! What about service crocodiles or service armadillos? TriMet is just a bunch of speciesists!
So overall, this is the worst idea that TriMet's ever had. Worse than 4 service cut rounds back to back. Worse than the billions poured into Milwaukie MAX. Worse than ANYTHING worse than that!
So let's start riots against this! I'll get my pitchforks, you get your torches and flamethrowers.